For the second installment of our Author Interviews, EIC Vasili sat down with Theodore James to discuss his forthcoming chapbook, gendered lullabies, forthcoming from Alien Buddha Press.

TUR: How long have you lived in the Wilmington area?

Theodore: I’ve been here about 5 years. I did originally come here for school to study Creative Writing, but couldn’t really afford to keep going, so I just started working.

TUR: So, you’ve lived here for five years—with that in mind, how would you describe your experience as a queer person in the Wilmington area?

Theodore: So, I lived in a small town before this—and Wilmington is definitely better in that there’s more diversity. But I still feel like a lot of North Carolina can be… that there are certain circles where it’s not as accepted, so I have had some struggles with that.

TUR: In what sense have you found yourself struggling? Finding other queer people to be around, or finding safe spaces?

Theodore: I would say mainly with safe spaces. I’m technically out everywhere, but I don’t necessarily make a big deal out of it or correct people when they don’t understand, because I do get into those conflicts that I don’t necessarily want to pursue.

TUR: I know what you mean. Have you found ways that you’ve been exploring the queer community around here? How have you been engaging with the queer community of Wilmington?

Theodore: There’s a local trans group that I’ve been going to when I’m able, so I’ve made some good friends from that. Just trying to spend time around people who “get it” really makes a difference.

TUR: Absolutely! So, let’s discuss your chapbook, gendered lullabies. What did the publishing process of that look like for you? Are you self-publishing, or do you have a deal with a publisher?

Theodore: I have a deal with a small publisher, Alien Buddha Press.

TUR: Awesome. I know deals for poetry books are kind of rare, so that’s a huge accomplishment.

Theodore: Yeah, it’s been pretty surreal. I keep forgetting that it’s happening and then remembering and being like, “Oh, I guess that’s happening!” [laughs] I’m kind of active on Twitter, because that’s where a lot of magazines and a lot of writers are, and I found out about them through Twitter. I had kind of been compiling this collection for a while now, and I’d gone through it, rearranged it, retitled it, and all that stuff, and just thought, “I think I’m ready to send it out there.”

TUR: That’s always a big step, to realize a thing is ready and send it into the world. Was that difficult for you?

Theodore: At first it was easy, but I won’t lie, since I’ve sent it out there I’ve had my own imposter syndrome—like, “Do I deserve this?” Kind of just overthinking the whole thing. But for someone else to look at it and say, “This is good, this is ready,” I feel like that definitely helped with my confidence.

TUR: Awesome! So, in your poems specifically, something that I found as a theme throughout them was your attention to the physical experience of being in a queer body. Obviously your poem “hrt” deals with that directly, but in general your imagery is very visceral and physical. Would you say that's a conscious decision you're making, or more just a tendency in your writing that you gravitate to?

Theodore: I think it’s a bit of both.  Sometimes I do definitely make that decision, but a lot of times when I’m writing, I’m just thinking of things that make me feel—whether it be comfort or sorrow—things that feel very tangible to me, so I try to replicate that.

TUR: I think that’s a very dynamic way to approach talking about the lived experience, let alone the queer experinece, so I was very taken by that when I was reading through your submission.

Theodore: Thank you.

TUR: So, let’s talk a bit more about your chapbook. You had mentioned that you had been working on it for some time before you got the deal, so talk to me a bit about the process of drafting and structuring. I’m friends with a lot of poets, and they write a lot of poems, but don’t necessarily set out to write a chapbook based around a certain theme. The more common experience I’ve noticed is, “here’s a bunch of poems I’ve written over the last twelve months; I’m going to try to find something that binds them together.” Was your chapbook more a loose collection of your work at the time, or did you approach it with the desire to create a cohesive project?

Theodore: It did start off as a loose collection. It was actually much longer and a little bit darker, and when I went back over it, I felt that—it almost became that I was putting pieces in just because I had them. So I had to take it down a notch and figure out what worked together.

TUR: So, what would you say you ended up with, having cut that darker material? What would you say is the resounding theme that binds this book together?

Theodore: I like to think it’s resilience. There’s still a bit of melancholy there, but it’s not as, I would say, depressing as my original manuscript was, which is kind of where the title comes from—I wanted something a little more soothing.

TUR: I can really see that sense of resilience and comfort in your poems, especially “things they never told me,” because that poem is like a list of reassurances in a way. I’m curious—you say your manuscript was much longer and much darker; did you begin writing dark material and then gradually start writing lighter material, or was it kind of a mixture that you cut down afterwards?

Theodore: When I first started writing poetry, it was definitely all dark and somber. Over time I’ve started writing a  few “fuzzier” pieces, I suppose, so a lot of it is from that shift in perspective. And I still have that energy where I can talk about the heavier things, but I felt like I didn’t necessarily need to make a collection in regard to that.

TUR: I like the urge to resist despair and insist on resilience and comfort. I think that’s pretty vital.

Theodore: Yeah. I feel like it’s almost too easy to fall into that hole of like, “Look at all these terrible things,” because there are terrible things. But you can’t make that your whole life.

TUR: Exactly. So, finally, as a queer person, what do you think the queer community in Wilmington really needs right now?

Theodore: I wouldn’t even necessarily say I’m lacking it, but something I struggled with in the past, and something I’ve seen others struggle with, particularly young queer people, is that sense of community, where we meet up with each other for more than just, you know, casual or parties. All that stuff is fine, but we need to have a stronger bond with one another when things get tough.